


Of Hopes And Possibilities

by Shattered_Reality



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben’s a sweetheart, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Leia Knows All, Soft Ben Solo, Two-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-16 08:51:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18091241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shattered_Reality/pseuds/Shattered_Reality
Summary: In which, Ben Solo learns some new information about Rey.





	1. Chapter 1

Ben Solo was on a mission. He didn’t really know what he was doing, until he was making his way out of the safety of his quarters, to head over to his mother’s office. The sound of the bulky ankle bracelet he’d been forced to wear, clanking with every step he took, echoed loudly in his ears. He hated it, but it was part of the terms and conditions that allowed him to stay on the base roaming somewhat freely, and not rotting away in some prison cell.

He was allowed to stay with the Resistance, provided he gave them vital information on The First Order. The catch was, that he had to wear an ankle bracelet that doubled as both a tracker and a Force inhibitor, or he would need to be “chaperoned” as they put it, 24/7. Ben had expected this, but the idea of someone actually following him everywhere, with absolutely no privacy, was unnerving.

So, he chose the lesser of two evils. He spent most of his time alone in his quarters anyway. It wasn’t as if he actually had friends here that invited him places.

Well, except for  _ Rey… _

She came by to check up on him when she could, between lightsaber training and helping Poe in the hangar. She’d ask if he was alright, or if he was hungry. Occasionally, she’d even stay for awhile to talk. He didn’t actually know what he and Rey were to each other, but he hoped they could at least be friends. Though he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been hoping for more than that.

Which is why he’d done everything he had. It was for her. For Rey. Defecting from The First Order, wearing this god awful ankle bracelet, being cut off from the Force? And then of course there was his project he’d been working on. It was all for her, all of it.

He’d spent days upon days researching, and finally found what he’d been looking for. This bit of precious information wasn’t easy to find by any means, taking quite a bit of focus, concentration, and a heaping dose of determination. And Ben was nothing, if not determined.

He had all the time in the world after all.

It was tedious work, combing through old records, but if he could find what he was so desperately searching for, then his many sleepless nights would be worth it.

And today, he’d finally been rewarded for all his hard work.

Clutching the holodisc tightly in his hand, Ben made his way down the corridor, head down, dutifully ignoring the scowls sent his way by several passing Resistance officers. The path to his mother’s office had never seemed so long before, but now, with the circumstances as they were, leaving his quarters alone always seemed to be a bad idea.

He’d been with the Resistance close to five months now, and in that time, no one but Rey and his mother seemed willing to trust him and give him a chance. In fact he was sure that if it weren’t for them, the entirety of the Resistance would have had no problem letting him rot in a prison cell. And if he were honest with himself, he couldn’t say he blamed them either. Ben wasn’t stupid. He knew well enough to know, it would take time, possibly years, to undo the things he’d done and even longer, to be accepted. He had much to atone for.

Finn and Rose seemed to be slowly warming up to him, which was surprising. Though he was sure it had more to do with making Rey happy than anything else. Despite this, he found the two of them were actually pretty nice, and they were both loyal to Rey, which gained them favor in Ben’s eyes. Instead of feeling the jealousy he’d long been accustomed to, he only felt relief at knowing Rey had true friends at her side. True friends were hard to come by, and he was genuinely pleased to know Rey was happy.

But where Finn and Rose would make an effort to try and talk to Ben, Poe was a completely different story.

Dameron absolutely refused to be in the same room with him, let alone give him the time of day. When it came to debriefings and such, Poe refused to look Ben in the eye. As soon as meetings ended, Poe was the first to leave, not even throwing a backward glance toward Ben. And he was sure he’d been the subject of several disagreements between Rey and Poe, though she never confirmed this. If the tension written all over her face was anything to go by, he was positive he’d been right.

Admittedly, this annoyed Ben to no end. But he couldn’t entirely say he blamed the other man, either. He took it all in stride though, knowing this was to be expected. Reminding himself this was all for Rey.

Finally reaching his mother’s office, he knocked and upon hearing no answer, let himself in and waited.

As the time seemed to drag on, Ben’s mind wandered to what he was actually going to do, now that he had the information he’d been looking for. There was a part of him that didn’t think he’d get this far, so he hadn’t really planned what his next move would be. So now, his only choice was to ask his mother for help.

_ God, how embarrassing. Asking your mother for advice on how to win the girl? _

It was too late now though. He was here, and he wasn’t turning back. Not after all the hard work he’d done.

The sound of his mother’s voice, followed by the door opening, brought Ben back to the present.

“Ben? What are you doing here?” Leia came to sit behind her desk, staring straight at him. Suddenly, it felt like he couldn’t speak the words he wanted to say, and he found himself nervously wringing his hands.

This was why he avoided one on one conversations with her whenever possible. The moment she’d look at him, he felt like collapsing under the weight of her stare. He obviously hadn’t thought this through.

“Everything alright, son?”

“Yeah, uh, sorry, I just uh-”

“Ben,” she said, reaching a hand over to gently squeeze his own. “Whatever it is, you can talk to me. I’m here to listen.”

Well fuck. It was times like these, that reminded him just how much he didn’t deserve her. How he didn’t deserve to have his mother look at him this way, much less continue to love him the way she seemed to.

Maybe this was a bad idea, coming to her for advice. He should just make up some excuse, and get out before the panic attack finally took over.

Sensing her son’s ever changing mood, Leia decided to change the subject. She knew he’d come here for a reason, but she’d need to be patient with him first.

“I hope you’re being treated well?” His eyes snapped up to meet hers in apparent shock.

“Yes.” Because what else could he say? He was their prisoner after all. Sure he was allowed to walk around the base, but he couldn’t leave, and he would have to wear this thing around his ankle for who knows how long.

What he really wanted to know was, why his mother was asking these questions. He sure as hell didn’t deserve her sympathy, so why did she seem to give it so freely?

“You want to know why I haven’t thrown you to the wolves.” She finished, as though she’d read his mind. He looked into his mother’s knowing eyes and wondered, not for the first time, how she knew these things. Was it the Force? It could’ve been, but he suspected this was due to the fact that she was his mother, and mothers always seemed to know things about their children.

“I just don’t understand...after everything I’ve done, you’d be well within your right to have me punished to the full extent. So why haven’t you?”

At that, she sighed.

“Ben, no matter what, you’ll always be my son. Nothing will ever change that.” She paused, “but you’re right. You have done things that are almost...unforgivable.”

His mother’s words rang true, and it wasn’t a particularly good feeling. He’d known this, of course.

How would he ever go about making things right?

Sinking further into his chair, Ben fought back the wave of tears that he absolutely refused to acknowledge.

“But,” Leia’s calm voice interrupted, “that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try, and move forward.”

It could not be this easy. Not by a long shot.

“Why?” It was all he could bring himself to say. Shifting in his seat, he silently prepared himself for whatever his mother was about to say next.

“I’m getting old, son. I don’t want to spend what’s left of my life, wondering what could have been. Not when you’re here. I won’t lie and tell you it won’t be complicated, or painless, because it won’t be. I just…” the brief lapse in silence was unnerving. “I just want my son back.”

Beside himself, Ben could hardly breathe. His mother, the one he’d screwed over royally, was offering him the chance to make things right.

“I-I don’t deserve this. How can you even stand to look at me?” He spat angrily. “You should hate me.”

Leia came to stand before him, leaning against her desk. The familiar touch of his mother’s hand wiping away the tears he hadn’t even realized had begun to spill.

“Hate you? I’m very saddened and disappointed, but I can’t hate you. You’re my son.” She said, with such finality.

“But-”

“Ben, listen to me. This can’t be fixed overnight. It will take time, but we’ll take this one step at a time. I won’t tell you it’ll be easy, because it won’t.” She said, repeating her words once more. “But I’m willing to work on this if you are. Besides, it’s what your father would’ve wanted for us.”

Leia didn’t miss the visible flinch on her son’s face, at the mention of his father.

Ben remained silent, unable to find the right words to say.

“Th-thank you.” Stumbling over the words he could barely force from his mouth.

A small smile graced his mother’s face, as she went back to sit behind her desk.

“Now, I know you didn’t come here for this, so why don’t you tell me what it is you wanted?” Eyeing the holodisc held firmly in Ben’s hand.

Fuck. He’d completely forgotten the entire reason he’d come here in the first place.

Wordlessly, he handed the disc over, watching as his mother examined it.

“Are you going to tell me what’s on this thing? Or do I have to guess?” She said with a humorous smile.

“Oh, right.” Clearing his throat nervously, he continued, “I-I did some research, and well, I found out some information about Rey.”

Nodding for him to continue, he took a shaky breath. “It’s Rey’s birthday. I know when her true birthday is.”

Stunned, it took a moment before Leia said anything. Out of all the possible reasons for his visit to her office today, this wasn’t one she ever considered.

“And you came to see me about this? Why haven’t you told Rey?” Leia was trying to understand exactly what it was Ben wanted.

“I wanted it to be surprise...it’s seven days from now. I was hoping to do something special for her.”

And that’s when it all clicked.

Ben wanted to surprise the girl he liked. Leia wasn’t a fool. She’d noticed the looks the two shared, when they thought no one else was looking. She’d even considered asking Rey about it, but eventually decided against it.

“I’m sure she’ll like whatever you come up with, son.”

“But that’s just it!” He exclaimed, “I have no idea what to do at all! I was...I was hoping you’d have some ideas.” He finished, hanging his head in embarrassment.

At that, Leia couldn’t help the small chuckle from escaping.

“You’ve got it bad.”

Ben’s cheeks suddenly turned a bright red against his pale skin, and Leia was instantly reminded of a much younger Ben, who had the most adorable blush she’d ever seen.

“I just wanted to do something nice…” he trailed off, hoping against all hope that his mother wouldn’t see he was lying through his teeth. But of course, he wasn’t that lucky.

“You know, I don’t need the Force to know you’re not being entirely truthful. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Rey’s a nice girl.”

Realizing he couldn’t possibly fool his own mother, he felt the need to defend himself.

“I know I’m not good for her, but I-”

“Ben, relax. I’m not telling you to go marry the girl. I’m saying you shouldn’t feel ashamed for feeling a certain way.”

“She doesn’t see me that way, so I suppose it doesn’t even matter. I just wanted to do something nice, and...try to make amends.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” She said, with a knowing smile.

Ben wanted to ask what she meant by that, but his mother continued on.

“Rey’s a simple girl. You should know by now that she doesn’t like fancy, or expensive things. She appreciates the simple things life has to offer. Remember that.”

Leia was right. He was making this a lot harder than it had to be. And suddenly, the answer was staring him right in the face.

He rose from his seat, turning back to his mother, “thank you, I-I think I know what to do.”

“Glad I could help.” She said, smirking.

As her son left her office, Leia couldn’t help but think that maybe there was hope for Ben after everything. The thought was comforting.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few days proved to be some of the most stressful days Ben could ever remember living through. Fretting over what to do for Rey’s birthday had nearly driven him insane. He wanted, no, _needed_ this to be perfect.

After leaving his mother’s office days ago, he’d decided on what to do. And though he was still quite embarrassed to be asking his mother for assistance, he’d eventually accepted her offer of help. She had assisted in arranging certain things, according to what Ben had asked for, and for that, he was more than grateful.

Part of him also wondered if he should include Rey’s friends in his plans, but he wasn’t sure how they’d take it, coming from him. Plus, it was something he’d put a lot of thought into, and he really just wanted to give her this piece of information in private. Something told him that she’d appreciate the privacy over a large group of people anyway, even if some of them were her friends.

Looking over the holodisc once more, Ben was certain he was doing the right thing, even if he was terribly nervous. Now he had no choice but to wait, and hope this didn’t turn out badly like he feared.

As his mind wandered, it drifted back to Rey, as it usually did these days. She seemed to occupy his thoughts the most. He wondered what she might be doing at that moment. She’s probably busy working with Dameron, he thought bitterly. Logically, he knew Poe had every right to hate him, but something about the other man just really had him on edge. He couldn’t place what “it” was, Ben just knew he didn’t like it.

In times like these he wished more than anything, to have the Force back, if only for the bond. Ben hadn’t realized how lonely his mind could be, until Rey was no longer there. Her presence was calming in a way he couldn’t describe, but he missed it. Fuck, he missed her. Ben knew he had no right to feel this way, but there was just something about Rey, that drew him to her. To know the bond would be gone indefinitely, made him feel sick.

He wondered if she felt that way too.

                                   -xXx-

Rey was exhausted and frankly, she was frustrated. She’d been spending nearly all of her waking hours in the hangar, helping Poe repair and modify X-wings. She enjoyed her work, but going from one right after the other, was tiring. She couldn’t afford to take a break either, since these particular X-wings were needed back up and running for battle, immediately.

And on top of her arduous workload, there was the constant arguing with Poe.

He was nice enough, she would admit that. But his black and white thinking about pretty much everything, was getting on her last nerve. She didn’t mind discussions, but discussions with Poe always seemed evolve into some heated exchange, and Rey was tired of it.

He just refused to accept her friendship with Ben. In his eyes, Ben would always be Kylo Ren. While she understood where his anger was coming from, what she couldn’t understand, was why every damn shift he just had to bring up Ben! She knew how Poe felt about him, so she purposely avoided the subject at all costs. She was there to work, not to argue.

And today was no different.

Her shift had started out well, but when Poe entered the hangar with a sour look about his face, she knew her hopes for a peaceful work day, were in vain.

It turned out, he’d just come from a meeting with Leia, where Ben was also present. It was no secret that Poe disliked the other man, but to make his dislike so obvious? Had he no respect for Leia at all? For someone who looked up to the General as much as he did, Rey had expected a certain level of decorum from the man.

Despite her many disagreements with him, however, she knew Poe was a good man at heart. She also knew that aside from his personal reasons for disliking Ben, he was mostly concerned about her well-being, and didn’t want Rey to get hurt. He had taken it upon himself to be an older brother of sorts, and therefore saw it as his duty to look out for her. And while she was grateful that he cared for her as he did, she had to constantly remind him that she wasn’t a child, and was in fact, quite capable of making her own decisions.

Rey had been so lost in her thoughts, that she hadn’t even noticed she was now standing in front of her quarters, much less the small droid that had apparently been waiting for her return.

Kneeling down to the droid’s level, she noticed it had some kind of hand written note. She had a pretty good idea who it was from, since there was only one person she knew who practiced handwriting, well, calligraphy, as he’d once called it.

“What have you got there? Is that for me?”

The droid beeped happily, extending its arm, handing the note to her.

“Thank you!” She said to the droid, as it quickly rolled away.

Once inside her room, she unfolded the note, taking a moment to marvel at the pretty writing.

“Come to my quarters after dinner. I need to speak with you.” That was all it said, and of course, it hadn’t been signed. But she knew it was from Ben.

Rey wasn’t really in the mood to go to dinner, choosing to use the time to shower and spruce herself up a bit. Instead of wearing her hair up like she normally did, she chose to wear it down for once. She told herself that her choice in hairstyle had absolutely nothing to do with Ben. Nope, it certainly did not have anything to do with him.

A glance at her chrono let her know it was time to go. As she made her way toward Ben’s quarters, she couldn’t help but wonder what he wanted to speak to her about.

                                  -xXx-

Ben waited anxiously for Rey’s arrival. Pacing back and forth in his room, he told himself there was nothing different about this visit, as this definitely wasn’t the first time she’d been here.

But tonight was different. He was giving her something precious. Something she’d only dreamed of.

A buzz at his door, let him know she’d finally arrived. Sliding the holodisc back into his pocket, he opened the door, and was met with the smiling face of Rey.

“Hi Ben,” she said. “I got your note, is everything alright?”

“Oh, uh, yes. Yes, everything’s fine. Come in.” Dammit, he was already mucking this up.

Rey sighed tiredly, as she took a seat on the couch.

“Long day?”

“You could say that.” A small yawn escaped, and Rey quickly covered it, seemingly embarrassed.

At that, he smirked.

“So…” She paused for a moment, eager to change the subject. “How are you?”

He swallowed. And just like that, his nerves were back in full force.

How was he going to get through this if he couldn’t even form a proper fucking sentence. He would never admit this out loud, but in these moments, he envied men like Poe. They had no trouble talking to anyone, especially women, and more specifically, Rey. He’d never been particularly gifted in that department.

She must have noticed his obvious discomfort, as she moved a bit closer, resting a small hand atop his.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, yes. Actually I wanted to give you something.” Better get this over with, before I do something else to ruin it, he thought bitterly.

Wordlessly, he pulled the disc from his pocket, and placed it in her waiting hand.

“What’s this?”

It was now or never.

“I, uh, I found some information that I think you’d be interested in.” Cringing at just how clinical he sounded. The sound of his own voice was beginning to annoy the fuck out of him, simply because he couldn’t seem to speak properly in her presence. He was so nervous he’d say the wrong thing, and ruin it all.

Noticing her silence, he forced himself to continue, “it’s your birthday, Rey. I was able to find out when your real birthday is. I saved all the information to this disc for you.”

“What? But how?”

“It took quite awhile, but I had all the time in the galaxy, so I spent all my free time researching. And then one day, I found it.” The words spilled out before he could stop them.

Rey could only nod, as she was clearly too shocked to speak. Reaching over, he pressed a button, and the information came to life before her eyes.

Watching her take everything in, he stepped away to retrieve her other gift.

By the time he returned, the disc had been turned off, and set to the side. He didn’t miss the look of pure wonder, at what he’d brought with him.

In his hand, was a small plate with an equally small slice of cake sitting neatly upon it.

“Is that-”

“Since it’s your birthday, I had this made for you.” Gesturing toward the delicious looking confection. “It’s a Corellian dessert, called Air cake.”

Seeing that she wasn’t moving to take it, he set the cake down in front of her. As he got closer, he heard the unmistakable sounds of crying.

Shit.

She hated it, of course she did. He thought she liked it, but clearly, he misread the situation. He’d overstepped a boundary here, and now Rey was upset. Somehow, even with the best intentions, Ben knew he’d fuck this up. He should have left this alone. It wasn’t his business anyway.

“Rey I’m sorry.” Looking everywhere but her, he had to fix this. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I-”

“Ben, stop.” Clearly not having heard her, Ben continued his rambling.

“I should’ve asked you if this was okay, I shouldn’t have assumed. I-” He would have kept going, had it not been for the soft hands suddenly pressed against his cheeks.

He felt like he was about to short circuit. There was absolutely no way this could be real. Rey only ever touched him like this in his dreams.

“Ben,” she said breathlessly, “please stop and hear me out.”

Slowly, he turned his eyes toward her, and frowned. Rey was smiling. What in the Force was going on?

He moved to speak once more, but Rey’s finger against his lips, stopped him.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Ben. I just don’t know what to say…I-I’ve never had someone do something like this for me, ever.” She said, as her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

Her admission tore at his heart. He’d known about her life on Jakku, but to hear the pain in her voice as she spoke, broke something inside of him.

“Rey, you deserve to be cherished. And I’m sure one day, you’ll find someone who will do just that.” Even as he said it, the words tasted like acid on his tongue. Rey did deserve to be loved and cherished by someone, but he wasn’t stupid enough to believe it would be him, no matter how much he wished it would be. She deserved so much _better_.

Rey stood quickly, taking her soft hands with her. He couldn’t believe how much he already missed her warmth.

“But what if…” She said nervously, back turned so Ben couldn’t see her face. “What if I already have found that someone?”

His heart dropped.

Of course she had someone. Who would be stupid enough to let a girl like Rey, out of their sights?

Swallowing the lump that was beginning to form, he forced himself speak. “Well, whoever it is, I would say they’re incredibly fortunate to have found someone like you.” In that moment, Ben wanted nothing more than to die, or disappear, or something. To be anywhere but here.

A soft laugh brought him out of his inner torment.

“You do know how to make me laugh, I’ll give you that.” She said, as she tried to keep herself from laughing any further.

“What are you talking about?” Because really, he wanted to know. What he wouldn’t give for the bond right now.

Rey came to him once more, taking his hand in hers. “I’m talking about you, silly.”

If Ben thought he’d short circuit before, that was nothing compared to this.

“Y-You are?” He said in disbelief. Ben was aware how ridiculous he sounded, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care at the moment.

“Yes! Who else would I be talking about?”

“I just don’t understand. Rey, I’m not good for you. Why would you want someone like me?” It was the truth. And as much his heart skipped for joy at her words, he had to protect her. Even if that meant protecting her from himself.

“Ben, you forget that I’ve been inside your head. I know you, inside and out, just like you know me. Which means, I know the real you. Not just the one you project to everyone else. You have such a good heart, and you deserve to be cherished too.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” He said, turning away from her in shame. But she was nothing, if not persistent. Rey took hold of his arm, making him face her once more.

“Don’t do that. Don’t push me away. I know damn well what I’m saying, and I certainly know what I want, and that’s you!” Despite the frustration written all over her face, he couldn’t deny how beautiful she looked in that moment. “I miss it you know, the bond. I’d grown so used to you being there, and now that you aren’t, it’s-it’s strange. Empty. I don’t like it. I know you feel it too, Ben.”

“I-yes, I feel it too.” He murmured. And that was all it took for Rey to pull him close and press her lips against his.

He was sure he’d pass out right then and there.

“Ben, don’t ever push me away again. We’re a team, you and I. I want, no, I need you by my side. Always.”

He couldn’t help but stare at her. This had been his dream for so long, that he could hardly believe it was actually happening.

“Aren’t you at all concerned about what your friends will say? You know they won’t be happy about this.” Ben refused to be the reason Rey lost her friends. She’d just found a home here, and he wouldn’t jeopardize it for anything.

“You know I don’t care what anyone thinks.” She said with a laugh. “Besides, Finn and Rose already seem to have accepted your presence in my life, so I doubt you’ll have any trouble there. And Poe, well, I’m sure he’ll come around one day...he just needs time. Your mother on the other hand, will be over the moon I’d imagine.”

He was speechless. Had his mother spoken to Rey about this? _Because_ _that_ _certainly_ _wouldn’t_ _be_ _embarrassing_ _at_ _all_.

“How did you-”

“No more of this. I’m not worrying about what anyone else might say, and neither should you. I know what I’m doing, and I’m done waiting. I want to be with you, if you’ll have me?”

Instead of answering, Ben took her in his arms, and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. He held her there, reveling in the feel of her.

He pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, taking her in. “Of course I’ll have you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted...all I’ve ever dreamed of.”

“Then stop waiting, and take me.”

And he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi! You can find me on tumblr @hothmess and on twitter @reylovesporgs
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


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